(ABC News)--Single-mom Bonnie Brown and her 15-year-old daughter, Myra, enjoy baking
chocolate cupcakes, watching cartoons and ABC Family, and reading
novels together. Myra would like to attend the University of Cambridge,
in England, after she graduates from Merion Mercy Academy near
Philadelphia. So when it comes times to do homework, Myra, who excels at
school, gets help from a tutor or family friend. Her mother is mentally
handicapped.
Three social workers from a county agency spend 29 hours each week with
Brown, 48, to help her with everyday tasks such as paying bills. Myra
attends a private high school paid for by a benefactor found by the
Philadelphia agency Community Interactions.
The disabled mother and her bright daughter may be unconventional pair. But they don't see it that way.
"My mom does everything that a regular mom does, so I never thought of
her as different, and I don't want other people to," Myra told ABC News.
Myra said it takes her mother longer to understand things like driving
directions, and a social worker confirmed to ABC News that Brown does
indeed have a low IQ.
A conversation between Myra and her mother recently aired on NPR,
in which Brown tells her daughter that being "hurt by people" who stare
at her has been the hardest thing she's overcome in life. Myra says
she's "protective" of her mother and would sometimes say something to
the gawkers.
Brown sometimes has a hard time disciplining Myra, social worker Charlene Jordan told ABC News.
"I'm trying to teach Bonnie, you can't be her friend right now, you've
got to be her parent. She's going to hate you, but it's all right," said
Jordan.
Brown and her daughter represent a striking success story when it comes to disabled parents.
As recently as a generation ago, disabled people were prevented from
having kids through state-sponsored involuntary sterilization programs.
Starting in the early part of the last century until 1970, public health
officials incapacitated more than 65,000 disabled people from being
able to have children. Authorities believed the offspring of mentally
handicapped people would have presented a burden to society, according
to a report from the National Council on Disability.
Today being a disabled parent is less of an oddity, with new laws to
protect the disabled and changing attitudes about their capabilities.
But they can run into unjust custody troubles, Mark Perriello, president
of the American Association of People with Disabilities, told
ABCNews.com.
"Too often parents with a disability face discrimination, state
bureaucrats who try to take their child away based on little fact and
misconceptions about what it means to be a person with disabilities," he
said.
That's changing, thanks to more states enacting anti-discrimination laws
for disabled parents that can help them keep custody of their children,
but only a federal law would cover everybody, he said.
"There needs to be more support for parents with disabilities," Perriello said.
Last April a 14-year-old Florida girl with cerebral palsy died a day
after child welfare authorities took her away from her physically
disabled mother and into state custody. The mother, Doris Freyre,
pleaded to keep custody. The girl, Marie, was dehydrated and not
properly medicated; she went into cardiac arrest and died, the Miami
Herald reported.
According to 2010 U.S. Census data, the most recent available, at least
4.1 million, or 6.2 percent of, American parents of children under age
18 have a mental or physical disability.
Between 40 and 80 percent of parents with an intellectual disability
lose custody of their children, according to a report released in
September by the National Council on Disability, "Rocking the Cradle:
Ensuring the Rights of Parents with Disabilities and Their Children."
That compares with 13 percent for parents with a physical disability.
And then there's the huge psychological and physical toll borne by
children who are their disabled parent's main caregiver -- a number
estimated to be roughly 1.4 million, according to a 2004 survey by the
National Alliance for Caregiving. The survey is a one-time study that
hasn't been updated, which underscores the inadequate attention paid to
these children in need, said Connie Siskowski, founder of the American
Association of Caregiving Youth, a nonprofit in Palm Beach County, Fla.
Children who care for a disabled parent are typically sleep-deprived and
depressed, she said. They often suffer from medical problems and drop
out of school.
"When you're worried and under a lot of stress, it is really tough to
learn," said Siskowski. "I've had kids who say, 'Every time I hear an
ambulance go by, I wonder if it's going to my home."
Brown and Myra are "really fortunate" to have access to services, she said.
The youngest of 10 siblings who grew up in foster care from birth, Brown
believes her mother's advanced age caused her disability.
"I call myself 'set off,'" she told ABCNews.com.
When she was in her 20s, a doctor told Brown that her that her
disability would mean she couldn't have children. Then she met a man who
lived in her friend's apartment building who asked to marry her after a
few dates.
"God blessed me with Myra. I'm looking at it as a miracle baby," said Brown. "I'm so proud of her."
Brown and her boyfriend married a year later, but tension started when Myra was 2 and they soon got a divorce.
She loves gospel music and what she calls "the simple life," Brown said.
Today Brown works part-time at Wendy's fast-food restaurant, making
french fries and cleaning the dining room.
"The only thing I don't do is cash register," said Brown.
When Myra was a baby, Brown read a lot to her daughter and had long
conversations with her in public even if people thought she looked
crazy, she said.
She also fondly recalls teaching Myra life lessons.
"I told her that God loves us all and we're supposed to love everybody,
whether they love us or not," she said. "And I told her that from when
she was little until now."
Copyright 2013 by ABC News
